amazingtessa

SMITH

Patti Smith’s not my bag, baby; never has been — she was all about collecting scraps and being the ultimate womp-womp groupie and hanging around the door frame of the back room of Max’s watching and waiting to be invited in and living for the cool people that I’m actually into, after all, right?

And following them around and worshipping them and such, right?

I mean, if you’re going to be a groupie be a groupie; be Sable Starr or something; don’t mope around the Chelsea Hotel lobby dressed like a chimney sweeper and making necklaces out of lobster claws and eucalyptus pods, for Christ’s sake!

That’s why I’ve never been into her.  

And she’s such a style icon in her cloaks and B.O. — I didn’t make that up; it’s in “The Warhol Diaries”; OK? If I was gonna use hyperbole and make up something about Patti Smith I’d go with “barnacles and a smock.” 

From xojane.com, in which the marvellous Cat Marnell nails what we should all think about Patti Smith in a column about LIP LINER.

Is there a word that I can use to describe people who are over-literal about vintage stuff (i.e. people who would use the word “retro”) instead of saying “retro” in a pained and sarcastic voice? Because I’m really starting to annoy myself.

Currently Unrealised Mixtape Projects Which I Plan To Complete This Year

1. “Literally”

Mixtape of cover versions where the original metaphorical content has been rendered disturbingly literal in the retelling. Includes:

• John Cale’s “Heartbreak Hotel” (John, are you sure? This sounds like a terrible hotel. Did you check Trip Advisor? What street did you say it was on again?)
• The Highwaymen - “Highwayman”. (When Jimmy Webb sings all the verses, you understand that he didn’t actually ride a starship across the universe divide. He couldn’t have done, because he got hung in ‘25. When different people sing each verse it sounds like the treatment for a BBC3 miniseries.)
• Bryan Ferry doing “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” is my favourite shaggy-dog story of all time.

2. “Nano-greatest-hits”

A C30 comprised of only the actual scientifically-proven best bits from popular artists’ careers. I have only decided on Blondie’s so far (the bit in Union City Blue where she goes “I’ve climbed up four flights”) but I reckon this will be easy.

3. “Eternal Eternal Flame”

A version of Eternal Flame that starts normally but then keeps doing the massive key change-chorus until the tape is full. I attempted to make this tape when I was 11 but lacked the skills (this was the same year DFW started work on Infinite Jest - coincidence?). Anyway, I will finish it this year!